Ex-Software Engineer Reveals Dark Truth Behind “Never Turning Off” | Retirement Reality

After decades in IT production support, Darren didn’t just retire — he escaped. At 54, the constant pings, midnight pages, and responsibility without authority finally ended, and what showed up in their place was one word he never expected: relief.

In this episode of Retirement Reality, Darren shares how early retirement reshaped everything from his stress levels to his daily rhythm. He talks about the first months of decompression, learning to live without a schedule, how $6,000 a month comfortably covers their lifestyle, and why healthcare planning through the ACA was worth the effort. He also opens up about identity, hobbies, renovating the home they almost sold, and discovering he’s officially “unemployable” in the best way.

If you’re dreaming of getting out of a high-stress job, especially in IT, this episode shows how retirement can feel less like stopping work and more like finally breathing. If it helps you picture your own next chapter, consider subscribing so you don’t miss the next story.

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Darren is not a client of Root Financial Partners, LLC and received no compensation for participating in this video. His statements reflect his own opinions and experience and are not indicative of any specific client’s experience and are not a guarantee of results. No cash or non-cash compensation was provided, and no material conflicts are known.

Advisory services are offered through Root Financial Partners, LLC, an SEC-registered investment adviser. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered personalized investment, tax, or legal advice. Viewing this content does not create an advisory relationship. We do not provide tax preparation or legal services. Always consult an investment, tax or legal professional regarding your specific situation.

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Ari Taublieb, CFP ®, MBA  is the Chief Growth Officer of Root Financial Partners and a Fiduciary Financial Planner specializing in helping clients retire early with confidence.

Transcript

Why Make Work Optional

SPEAKER_03 0:00

It's one thing to hear about early retirement from me who loves talking about how to retire early with confidence, which if you know me, I don't really want you to retire early if you love your job. I just want you to know when are you in a position to make work optional? And if you love what you do, keep doing it. And if you don't love what you do, go spend your time on what matters most. Because I hate the thought of you working unnecessarily. If you don't need to be working because financially you're in a great spot, I want you to know that. And at the minimum, I want you to know when that will be the case. When do you enter that recreational employment? Now, the best way to learn, in my opinion, is from people who have already done it. So, what I'm gonna be doing is still continuing my interviews because you guys have shared amazing feedback with me via email. I'm just gonna read out one of the recent responses, and this I'm gonna keep anonymous, of course. So, if you want to email me what you have found most helpful, please do. It is so fun for me to get to read your responses. You can email me at ari at rootfinancial.com. And this is a response that says these interviews have changed the way I look at an early retirement. It's fun to hear about these different concepts, but when I see them applied in real life and I can hear the joy and freedom in their voice, it just hits different. So that is a great example of why I love getting to hold these interviews. So I'm gonna continue to play these interviews. These are all live right now on YouTube. So if you prefer to listen on YouTube for any reason, I know many of you who listen here on the podcast go, yeah, YouTube is not my thing. Too many ads, it's just annoying. Totally get that. I listen to many history podcasts on my podcast app, and I recently just did an audiobook with my wife. We just drove up to Carmel and from Los Angeles, and we listened to an audiobook called My Husband's Wife. And that was quite an interesting mystery. So if you need that, if you're doing a long road trip, um, I encourage you to try to guess who you think did it. It's one of those who'd done it. So the whole time I'm making bad tax jokes, and Alice didn't laugh at any of them, but I did. So, regardless, wanted to just quickly share. I totally get it. If you prefer listening on the podcast app, we're gonna hop right into the interview. But before we do, just a quick reminder: my name is Ari Talblebe. I'm a certified financial planner, host of the Early Retirement Podcast, and I love this stuff. If you cannot tell, and if you want to schedule a free call with us to learn about how we help people just like you retire with confidence, you can do so. You'll see a link in the description of this video. Now let's go hear from some real people who retired early so we can figure out when maybe we can retire and what we should do. Thanks, guys. So it sounds like relief from getting a ping while you're at dinner, knowing that ping's never coming.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Oh my gosh. So after I quit, I got rid of the cell phone, it was a company's cell phone. I had to get rid of it because you know that text sound? Yeah, the pager going off. And I'd have PTSD if I ever heard that sound. So I was like, I could not have a phone for like three months until like, you know, I finally calmed down, and then I can never have that as a sound that ever plays from my phone.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

What I'm doing in this new show, Retirement Reality, is having heartfelt, candid conversations with people who have already retired so you can hear from them what worked well, what didn't, and everything in between. I hope you enjoy. And if you're retired and you want to personally come share your story on a future episode, there's a link right below this in the description of this episode where you can apply to be a guest. Now go enjoy the episode.

Meet Darren: Four Years Retired

SPEAKER_03 3:31

My guest today is the cool of the cool. When it comes to IT, he says he loves his job. And now that he's been retired for four years, he no longer, despite loving his job, he loved what he did, no longer has to deal with the ping, the little sound that he says used to give him PTSD when he would hear it because it meant he would have to leave when watching a movie with his wife to go fix an IT issue. He still describes himself as a computer geek, but in a proud way, and says, Wow, I don't have to do that anymore. I can now do it on my own terms. He's actually spent time even developing apps since leaving and says how many people worry about finding purpose and why you shouldn't. Enjoy. Welcome back to another episode of Retirement Reality. Now, my guest today, Darren, he was very transparent and shared in the questionnaire ahead of coming onto the show that he says retirement is never what you think it's going to be. And if you guys want to be a guest on this show as well in the future, you can see the questions that I ask as to why do you want to come on the show, how long have you been retired, all that good stuff, so I can try to determine if I think the story would be helpful to share. So I'm excited for this episode because sometimes I'll have a guest on who's been retired for a month or a year. Not today's guest. So, Darren, welcome to the show. I ask all my guests the same question first, which is if there was one word you would use to describe your retirement so far, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Well, I thought a lot about it, and I'd probably say relief. Basically, there were two things involved that really compelled me to get into retiring. Uh, one was that um there was a lot of stress in my job, and I didn't realize how much stress I was in until I actually retired, and then it or quit, and it was like, oh my gosh, just this huge weight lifted off, right? And then the other is I worked in IT production support, and so my life was never felt like it was my own, right? I mean, it'd be like yeah, forget your Friday night plans, uh, you're doing an implementation, or you know, I get paged, you know, at three in the morning to come on and fix something because something broke, right? Kind of like a fireman kind of situation. So Wow.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

Yeah, that's it. I gotta know the whole story.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Yeah, I mean, you know, you're you're at dinner and it's like you get paged and it's like, well, we gotta quit dinner, I gotta get back home and and get to fixing the thing that broke.

unknown 6:12

Right.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

So it sounds like relief from getting a ping while you're at dinner, knowing that ping's never coming.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Oh my gosh. So I had to like after I quit, I got rid of the cell phone, it was a company's cell phone. I had to get rid of it because you know that text sound? Yes, that was the pager going off. And I'd have PTSD if I ever heard that sound. So I was like, I could not have a phone for like three months until like you know, I finally calmed down, and then I can never have that as a sound that ever plays from my phone. And if I'm hearing Yeah, if I hear it anywhere that I'm out somewhere, it just makes your you know, you jerk and you're you're back in it again.

SPEAKER_03 7:01

So I know exactly what you mean, and I'm bringing it up, I'm laughing because some people, Darren, are like, I just don't know how I'm gonna retire. I don't know what I'm gonna do. And you're like, what do you mean? I'm not gonna be bothered anymore. Like, I cannot wait. So today I get to ask what was the transition like? How did you finally decide it's the right time to retire? And all of those fun questions. Do you mind sharing with us? It sounds like we know what you did for a living, but how old were you when you retired, and how long have you been retired?

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Uh so basically I quit when I was 54, and in probably two, three days, it'll have been four years.

SPEAKER_03 7:37

Almost four years. Now, when you quit, was that something? Oh my gosh, every single year, I'm checking the finances, can I make it happen? Was it a spur of the moment? How did it go down?

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Well, okay, so a year before it, right? We'd get pings from like a financial advisor from the brokerage, right? You know, come see us, come talk to us. It's like, you know, sure, let's go talk to him. And he said something to me that just he's like, listen, here's the deal. Um, every dollar you make right now is gonna go to someone else. You've already got so much saved up, you're never gonna spend it. So just get used to the fact that from now on, that money is going to someone else, you know, whoever inherits it from you. And it's like, okay. Do I really want to? Yeah, well, kinda. So that was like the instigator, and then and then it's like, do I like my job? No, I don't. Actually, I'm I'm really not liking this job. And then you get into this phase of this what I like to call hate spending. It's like, I'll be damned if someone else is getting my money, I'm gonna spend it on this, that, and the other thing. And it was you know, just ridiculous stuff. And it's you know, just because you're like frustrated, you you feel like you have to stay at your job because you're just scared of leaving. But then why are you doing it? And yeah. So eventually, you know, basically uh I had volunteered for a layoff, you know, because the company does this layoff thing, and I'm like, you know what, lay me off if it comes up the whole bit. And uh so that kind of didn't happen, so I'm still just kind of floating along, just not really wanting to pull the trigger. And then one of my um work people I work with said he was gonna quit. And that would have meant that my workload would have like just ballooned and my life would have been even worse. And I'm like, uh, you're not quitting before me. So I put in my resignation before he managed to get his in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

And that was it.

Retirement Isn’t What You Expect

SPEAKER_03 10:03

That's a wild story. Now let's fast forward because this is you're already a cool guy, Darren. Why did you say retirement never ends up being what you thought it was gonna be?

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Well, so I quit and yeah, I I'm actually enjoying the time off. I thought I'd get bored. I find out my days end up just getting filled with things to do that I just didn't realize. I spend a lot more time doing a lot less, but the day is done and I go on to the next day, right? I'm not planning things or anything, you know, it just things happen. It's like, oh, let's go out to eat. Oh, let's go do this. Let's go do that before you know it, it's like, oh, I was thinking I was gonna do this thing today, but it didn't happen, so I'll just do it tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

But yeah, it's now some people worry about purpose and meaning and how am I gonna be fulfilled in retirement. Other people are more, look, I just don't want to work anymore and if I just want freedom. It sounds like you're more in that latter category, but why do you think so many people struggle with this purpose and meaning once they're done working?

SPEAKER_01 11:14

I think it comes down to the question is if someone asks you what do you do, if you start like going over, you know, this is what I do at work or this is my job title, this is my blob, that's someone who needs purpose. Me, I've never been able to tell them when they ask me what I do, I'm like, oh, I'm a computer geek. Because at the end of the day, yeah, that's kind of what I do at work, but like that's my hobby too. So I'll do things. Yeah, I'm always got some wild hair idea I want to jump on and start working on.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

So people love knowing what an actual day looks like. It might seem like, oh, people don't really care about that, but they do. So if you don't mind sharing, obviously every day's different. But like, what time are you waking up? Are you taking naps? Are you literally just doing whatever the heck you want every day?

SPEAKER_01 12:11

Well, okay, it's kind of funny. You got the this right here. I actually work up around wake up around 4 30, 5 o'clock, get my coffee and an ache, and then I sit and I'll watch videos as I drink my coffee and and stuff like that, and then I'll I'll work on some finances maybe. Then uh as you get older you gotta do more gym time. That's the worst of it. I end up having to go to the gym a lot more than I used to. But then it's like, well, you know, I just come up with what would I like to do today, or oh grass is getting long, I better go mow it today. And and I tend to do all the work in the house, DIY. I because I like just accomplishing things, right? With my hands, and so I might have a DIY project in the house, you know, like change the fixtures or something like that. But I just always manage to find something to do, or I like to play board games also, so I'll maybe decide to play a board game for two, three hours and then jump on to some kind of other project. But uh it's pretty unplanned outside of my morning starts about the same.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

So I hope everyone really just heard that and went, wow, so I don't have to like have a schedule. You don't. You just heard Darren share it. He sees what he feels like that day.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Now there's a Well, the worst schedule I had is I had to make sure I showed up here. Yeah, that's it. I'm like, oh, I finally actually have something I have to prepare for and make sure I I I'm there.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

Well, I appreciate you being here, and you were punctual, which I appreciate. Yeah. Now, Darren, there's a lot of people who watch who are in IT and they'll share. I actually like IT. It's all the other stuff.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

It's the politics, the technical stuff. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 14:02

Okay, tell me about that. And what would you tell other people in IT who want to also maybe retire one day? Or I mean, you are a wealth of knowledge of someone who retired early. Sorry to interrupt there, but you retired early, you loved it, but you also hated it.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

So well, here's the deal. It's like, yeah, you love the technical aspect, right? I mean, I still loved it, but it's the the management, the the silly projects, the all the other stuff. I mean, one of the things that caused me a lot of stress is I like to call it um um responsibility without the authority, right? They tell you you need to do this, but you're relying on other people to let you do it, and you can't get it done because they're not, you know, so that's it's basically that kind of stuff. And I thought I'd miss the technical stuff, but at the end of the day, I mean I got my own computer projects I can work on. I do programming things and stuff like that on my own anyway. Oh, and yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:09

Well, I just keep going.

The Brief Return And “Unemployable”

SPEAKER_01 15:10

I was just gonna say, so here's the funny thing. So after a year of being gone, uh my old company contacts me, and there's this project I had been trying to get done for like years. I mean, 10, 15 years. I'd been trying to make this happen. Wasn't happening at all. And so I just quit. Well, a year later, they're like, hey, would you like to come back and just do that project? We're we're finally ready to go. And it's like, you can set your own schedule, you know, whatever hours you want to work, you know, just it was the perfect dream of all the crap I didn't want went away, and I just got to do exactly what I wanted to do. Right? And you would think it would have been wonderful, but then the fact that I had to get back to where I had to show up and do things and no, I can't just hop over and do that because I got to get this finished for the job, and and then at the end of the thing, um there wasn't anything else for me to do, but you know, they'd have an issue or something, and they'd need me, so I'm like, well, tell you what, just page me, you know, ping me when you need something, and the next day I'll come in. But then the fact is they'd ping me, and that next day the wife had planned to go do something. It's like, well, sorry, I gotta go do after that. That project was done, and it I finally got out of that, and it was like, you know what, I'm on uh I'm unemployable. There's no way I'm gonna go back to working again. You know, the just being stuck into having to show up at certain times and doing things, I'm not into anymore.

SPEAKER_03 16:59

If I were to ask your wife, how has Darren changed since he retired, what do you think she'd say?

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Uh, he's getting a lot more honor and a lot less uh willing to do things he used to just go along with.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

I because I would think there's people out there who are like, I want to redate my spouse. Like it's been 30 years, we've been working like crazy, or you know what, we finally have time for each other. And other people are very honest, Darren, and I've created some interesting relationships with the stuff.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

She would actually meet me out of the house, yes.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

Okay, yeah, yeah. It's a little much for me.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

But that that so I worked from home, so we actually spent a lot of time with each other anyway. That I had a lot, I was always there with the kids and stuff. It's just that things could get dropped at a moment's notice, and I'd have to like, oh, middle of a movie we're watching, oh but guess what? I gotta go do something. Right? So that's gone. So she used to hate the fact that like anything could get interrupted and and her plans to go south.

Marriage, Stress, And Home Life

SPEAKER_03 18:05

I don't blame her. I I'll use your relief word again one more time because I'll play, I'm a big soccer guy, I'll play soccer, and I used to score goals, not often, but when I would, people would say, Why don't you really celebrate? And I'd say, well, it's really just relief that I'm keeping my scholarship. It it's less of, oh my joy. It's hey, there's a part of that, but it's mainly, oh, I just relief. Yeah. So I want to talk about the finances a little bit to the extent you're open to sharing. Everyone loves knowing how much does it actually cost to retire every month? Not how much do you have, but how much do you really need every month? And certain people have shared on the show, hey, I spend 12 a month. Other people spend$4,000 a month. Do you mind sharing generally what amount you spend each month?

SPEAKER_01 18:45

Okay, so I have said a I basically ended up deciding the first year we were just like kind of spending what we spend and doing what we do. Um what I did have is is I so I've got Microsoft money. So for like 15, 20 years, I know how every dollar's been spent forever. So I knew what I was going to need. Um and so basically, I basically give us an allowance of 6,000 a month and pull that out of the various funds and put it into our bank account, and and then we basically work off of that, and then that you know, the bank account will grow a little bit, pay the insurance bill, it drops, and we get by. But yeah, it and the funny thing is, is I don't see me wanting to spend any more than that. I mean, we're actually you know, things have a cost outside of just dollar amounts. It's like, oh, we're gonna travel. And actually, we did a lot of traveling, but then you find out, oh my gosh, this travel is just burning me out. I can't do it anymore. I need to like stay home for a bit. So yeah, you actually get to the point where it's the cost of things isn't really the money anymore. It's the time you have to put into things when you get it.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

Very well explained. Now there's two main questions that I'm asked consistently. The first one is how much is enough? And how am I gonna pay for health care? So I love what you're sharing right now, which is we spend$6,000 a month,$72,000 a year. And if you were to say, hey, here's like pretend or say, hey, okay, Darren, you can spend$15,000 a month now, but you have to go back to work. You'd probably think I'm crazy and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, I'm not doing that, right? Now, healthcare is a big expense, but there's people that go, I can't retire before 65 because of healthcare. And I'll say, you're cheating yourself. You can, you just have to plan for it. Do you mind sharing of that$6,000 a month? How much is health care?

SPEAKER_01 20:50

Um, it's about well, what is it? So we we have the ACA thing going. And actually, okay, so I lied a little bit about that$6,000 because what we do is we have the ACA. And and since I quote, have no income, I should get a nice bonus. The problem is, is with capital gains and other things popping in, uh, I end up paying for all that health care, and it comes in at the very back end because they pay all of it, and then I gotta pay back to the IRS. So we pay about uh$16,000 for the year for uh uh my wife, me, and my youngest daughter who's not quite off of our uh plan yet.

How He Learned Money And Saved

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Thank you for sharing. And guys, healthcare can be tricky. So, what Darren's sharing is if you have income but you have dividends and interest and capital gains, if you're gonna go live off of that money, there's a portion, if it comes from a 401k, that's taxes ordinary income. When it comes from your brokerage account, for example, if Darren has significant Microsoft stock, You're paying realizing gains and living off that money, a lot of that gets taxed at 0%, which is called tax gain harvesting. But that does impact the healthcare and subsidies. But you can see it's not fun to spend$16,000 a month on healthcare, but you now no longer have to work. So you have to ask yourself, well, what's the most powerful trade-off? Darren, is it weird that you retired at the age you did compared to coworkers? And did you hear any coworkers go, hey, how did you hear Darren's retiring so early? How did he do that? Or did that not really come up?

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Um they were surprised, impressed, and envious. All good words. But yeah, I mean they yeah, they they were congratulating me and the whole bit. So no issue with that. And yeah, they've been happy to have been out themselves. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:50

I imagine. And I have seen situations where certain people will go, okay, I'm gonna start to look at my finances more seriously. Like, how did you do it? So if I were to ask Darren at 22, hey, what's your retirement plan? Um, I just want to be just be transparent with me. Like, did you learn about finances on your own? Did your parents teach you? Like, how did you even learn at the beginning?

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Uh I will say that my parents taught me in the opposite way you would think. Basically, I got to watch my parents live paycheck by paycheck and stress overpaying the mortgage payment and everything else. And they tried to hide it from me, but I just felt the stress that came from that, and I was like, there's no way I'm doing that. So I saved because of that, and then it was mostly throwing into bank accounts. Now, luckily, I'm married up, and my wife was so interested in investments that um she basically had gotten us into mutual funds and stuff like from the beginning. So when I was 26, we got married and and uh oh, I'll tell you, I don't know if I I had my white trash moment, right? Where I go to an ATM. I go to an ATM. I my sister had come to visit with us, so I go to an ATM to get some money to go to this water park. And when I put the ATM card in, insufficient funds. There's no money in the bank account. I'm like, we have money in the bank account. What happened? Turns out my wife had her eye on this mutual fund forever, and it had a minimum amount you had to have. And the minute we hit that, she shoved it into that mutual fund. That's hilarious. Really, I got her to think for how we ended up being this way. And when I was first working, I was doing contract work, which you know that could drop at a moment's notice. And my wife was working also, so I always wanted to make sure we could live off of just one person's income because at any moment, like one of us could be unemployed, and I didn't want to panic about it, because you know, fear is a great help in saving. So we were basically saving the other person's paycheck while we did this.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

And most of it's in your what you like to call the superhero account, right? Because there weren't 401ks back then as prevalent.

SPEAKER_03 25:23

So that superhero account, now you mentioned Microsoft. Don't need to tell me the exacts, but to what degree you're willing to share.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

I didn't I don't have Microsoft.

SPEAKER_03 25:35

Oh, no Microsoft, okay. Yeah. Is there a concentrated position that makes up the majority or even uh a minority of the portfolio, five, ten percent, or is it truly amongst so many mutual funds and ETFs and things like that?

Teaching Kids About Money

SPEAKER_01 25:51

Um It is actually spread out among uh various stocks and bonds. We another hobby we ended up finding out we have is we love doing the investments work and everything else and choosing what stocks to buy and the bonds, and we stay away from the popular stuff because that's like crazy. So, yeah, it's in a few stocks, it's diversified out, probably about 20 different stocks, and and we probably have about 30 bonds and bond ladders and things of that nature. Lots of treasuries now, actually.

unknown 26:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

So you've got a good diversification set up. What about your child? Do you openly talk about finances with them where they know, okay, so my parents are tired, I want to make sure I'm saving so I can be like them? Does that not really come up? Or how do you think that's a good idea?

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Oh, yeah, we we definitely, I mean, we try to just create an environment where they get into knowing these kind of things. Now they don't know how much we have, but they know that we're doing quite well.

Health, Gym, And “Reluctantly Healthy”

SPEAKER_03 27:04

Great. Now, certain couples it's it's just too weird. They're like like certain children will go, no, I can't hear it from mom and dad. Is it does that come up where they go, oh dad, I know you're always talking about your stocks again? Or do they currently have jobs where they're going, you know, there's a 401k offered, what should I do?

SPEAKER_01 27:22

Um, it's the latter. Yeah, they they basically, I mean, we've always tried to promote financial like what education kind of stuff, and you know, this is how it works, and this you can make money. We we uh the wife had created some uh what are they called uh dependent stock accounts for them so that they could see that kind of stuff happening and yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:51

Love it. Yeah, they'll call those UTMAs, UGMAs. Um I wanna, and this might seem like an odd question, but I'm just so curious. There are certain people who retire and truly feel like their personality has changed. Like, wow, I'm a nicer person, or I just am different because I have way less stress. Do you think you have changed since you've retired?

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Um, I definitely have to say the stress went way down. And so, yeah, I I I feel a lot more happy or content than I was, you know, when I was working, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:29

A lot of people say prioritize your health, but it's hard to do when you have to work all the time. What would you say your experience has been like in terms of prioritizing health during your working years?

SPEAKER_01 28:42

Um so my wife likes to call it reluctantly healthy. We know we got it. Okay. So um I'd be going to the gym, you know, a couple times a week and and stuff like that. Um, but yeah, it's gradually been increasing as I get older to I have to work out more just to stay in place, kind of thing. So yeah, that's where it is. I mean, I don't like doing it, but you know, gotta.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

I like that phrase, reluctantly healthy. That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

Okay, let's talk a little bit about community and things that might, if they don't pique your interest, you can tell me to shut up, and I have plenty of other questions. This could be a 12-hour interview. I find you fascinating. So there are certain people that go, yeah, so I'm working right now and I have coworkers and we're really close friends, and then they retire and they never really talk. And they're like, that's weird. I thought we were close friends, but it's only because they work together. Now other people go, I don't struggle with that at all. I have a community or other close friends. And I've had other people who shared, I don't really need acquaintances. I have my family, it's sufficient enough for me and a few people. How are you approaching the community side of retirement?

SPEAKER_01 29:57

So, yeah, I mean, I worked from home and stuff like that, so didn't really I kind of pretty happy just on my own. So I don't need a whole lot. But what I have found is so one thing I do do is walk the dog every morning also. I forgot to put that in after the coffee and stuff. And and there is a dog walking community that like I've you know, of course, I'm talking to people that are 20, 30 years older than me as I'm walking my dog and they're out walking their dog, and we'll talk and everything as we go along. But yeah, there's that. And yeah, it's family, really, my wife and I, and and I've never really needed a lot of close relationships.

SPEAKER_03 30:46

Love it. Um, I'm curious where, in terms of living, not where you plan on living, but I recently visited a retirement community in New Jersey. Where are you located, Darren?

SPEAKER_01 30:56

I'm in Denver or Denver suburbs, basically.

Travel Joys, Limits, And Value

SPEAKER_03 30:58

Yeah. Okay. So I was in New Jersey and they had shared how they wished they had moved there earlier, and it's a 55 plus community, and I said, why? And they said, well, we just want more people to be able to chat with and talk to other people and play board games with and things like that. And I said, Okay. There were other people there who shared that they wish they didn't move so early, and how they didn't want to actually leave their home until their 70s, but they felt like their spouse kind of was like, Hey, I want to go do it. So it seems like you and your spouse are on the same page, and that's less of an issue. But in terms of where you're sleeping with me.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

So, yeah, uh and yeah, life was chaotic. So I quit, and my wife and I, and we had just sent the youngest off to college, right? And so my wife and I go out to lunch, and it's like, you know, I don't like mowing the lawn and you know, all this other stuff we're doing with the house. Let's let's just sell it and go find someplace where I don't have the yard work and everything. So we end up going off hunting houses, put an offer on a house, and decide to put this house up for sale. This one I'm in now, okay? Okay, and then so we're like all set to go. The kids are like, What? What are you doing? It's our family home. I ain't here anymore, and we are, and I'm done. So uh we get an offer on the house, but as the whole thing's progressing, my wife and I are like, Oh, but I'm gonna miss this, and I'm gonna miss that, and this other and all this other stuff. And then um, we had a situation where the the people that made the offer rescinded it, and we were like, okay, that's good. We're keeping the house, and uh we'll just skip on that new house and we're gonna stay here forever. But what we're gonna do with the house now is we're gonna do all these renovations because we want to, you know, make it what we always wanted it to be. So then we start spending a boatload of money on fixing the house up.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

That's a good story. Now, are you the one personally doing those projects or are you outsourcing for that?

SPEAKER_01 33:14

I'm doing a lot of it. You know, we get contractors in to do like a piece of something, you know, that's like so we're replacing the countertops with granite, so we, you know, go and buy the granite to come in and put it in, but I'm like cutting out the drywall and everything to make it for in rewiring everything. And so I do what I can, a lot of it, but then you know, certain pieces we'd have contractors come and do. I'm doing all the baseboards, but we have someone else do the flooring. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

What what were the main things that made you go, okay, we're not gonna put this back on the market again? Because you're not the first person to have told me, wow, we're gonna sell our home. Okay, we're looking around, okay, there's an offer. Yeah, we don't want to sell.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

Yeah. Um, so I got a home theater in the basement that I really like. That kind of built myself kind of thing, and and my game room here, you see, behind me. And and the wife's like the kitchen's what she wants. Well, after we renovated it is now what she wants, right? And then the house we put the offer on wouldn't have been as nice, and and uh the neighborhood is really good. We'd start actually the funny thing is, is after we retired, we started meeting the neighbors more and forming more friendships with the neighbors around us.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

And yeah, now your wife worked. Did you guys retire at the same time? Did she stay at home and take care of the kids for a portion?

Mowing The Lawn As Exercise

SPEAKER_01 34:51

She stood stayed home and took care of the kids for a portion of it, basically. So she had worked for a while, and then when the um youngest was like four, I think. She decided to stay home and take care of the kids. And so she did that while I continued working, and then yeah, we finally got here. Now she had issues also with trying to find meaning and purpose after she had stayed home with the kids, because you know, it's like coming from a corporate job to like and so that's when she started getting into just doing more of our portfolio management while she's home. Because there she is.

Solo Board Games And Projects

SPEAKER_03 35:39

Okay, what do you think of a lot of people are talking about this rosy retirement, which is the first year of retirement, it's super rosy and everything's great because you don't have to work or commute or deal with people you didn't like. And then the next year it's like, well, uh I did all the traveling, but now I kind of feel guilty because I I said I was gonna travel all the time, but I don't really want to. You've already alluded to it a little bit in terms of yeah, travel's great, but like, can I just be home? What are your thoughts on just travel in general and retirement?

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Oh, still like travel. We're we're planning another trip coming up. Um, we've decided we like traveling in the spring now, so we usually plan and you know that 4 30 in the morning is so I can be on Europe, so I can thank you. So yeah, it we still like traveling, but we realize just not all the time, right? Because it takes a lot to do all the planning and stuff. And I'm afraid that's the thing. We don't hand these things off. And I guess I'm just not a delegating type person, and neither is my wife, because it's like if you like have someone plan it for you, then you're hopping on a bus, taking a picture, hopping back off, and you don't really get to. And the best part of travel is always the things you never expected, right? It's that conversation you had with a local, it's it's that odd alley you went down that isn't part of the thing that so yeah, it much better to to plan it ourselves, but it's more stressful and it takes a lot of time.

SPEAKER_03 37:15

Domestic international, you go in first class.

Final Advice: Adapt And Breathe

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Oh, so we did try the first class, we did like a Delta One on one leg just to see, you know, because it is miserable being on that plane for that long. And uh being able to lay flat was awesome. But and here's why here's why the financial planner told me I'm not really gonna spend all my money. And it's because it's like I don't know that it's worth it. Uh, you know, it's like, is it really worth the dollar? Because they're offering these drinks and I don't drink, and there are there's these things, and even my wife is like, you know, I can't even they're so big on making sure they've got alcohol for you. She wants a coffee and she can't get a coffee because it's like, oh, I'll have to go back where you know that's all they serve to the people back there. And she's like, but that's what I want. And they serve it in a cup, and so it's like, man, this thing could spill. So yeah, yeah, that's hilarious. Yeah, the problem is, is, is yeah, we just can't, I can't get myself to spend on something that I don't think I'm getting value for. And so it's like, you know, if you say, Oh, get an RV, it's like, am I really gonna use it that much? And then it's gonna lock me into thinking, well, I'm not gonna go to like a Europe trip because I gotta make use of that RV, so it's gotta be a local trip. And now I'm like doing stuff I really don't want to because I feel like I have to because I spent the money.

SPEAKER_03 38:53

So very wise. I see this a lot. I see a ton of people who they're like, look, Ari, I got to my position to retire early by using coupons, and now I'm using these coupons to buy things I don't even want, but it's just such a good deal. So I've got to get it. And I'm like, you don't want it. And I'll always joke with my clients because I have a funny story of a child who came to me once and they said they found a way to outsmart the system. I said, Oh, you must be really smart. Tell me. I I mean the system has been you know developed very intentionally. They go, well, I've beat it. I go, hit me. They go, I'm gonna decline my bonus. I go, why would you do that? They said, Well, I actually realized I'm gonna have to pay more in taxes. I said, You recognize you will make more money. And they go, Yeah, but uh you're technical. Yeah, I said, maybe I am. Do you have to do more work for the bonus? They go, no, no, no, it's already been calculated. It's already the work I've already done. I said, so there's no reason to declare you don't have to do anything more and you'll get a bonus, right? And they go, you that's right. So aren't I a genius? And I go, Yeah, well, maybe a little more financial education could help in this case. So um I like that you're like, you know what, I'm not gonna put buy first class just for the sake of it. But if I want to do it because it feels great, as long as my wife can get coffee, it's of interest.

Final Thoughts and Disclaimer

SPEAKER_01 40:10

Yeah, yeah. And basically that's it. Every time I look to purchase something, I'm always like saying, Am I gonna get out of it what I'm paying? Right? It and is it gonna lock me into doing stuff I don't want to do? Because that is actually the funny thing about buying, you know, it's like you you buy trinkets and you're gonna have to dust it, right? Everything's got a cost outside of just dollars that it's gonna get you, you know. Like you hear about the timeshares, and it's like, oh, now you're stuck going there for your vacation every time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:48

Brilliant. No, it it's no, honestly, Darren, it's very wise. Okay, one of the things that you said a while ago has stuck with me, and I was debating how I wanted to ask it, but I'm just gonna ask it just blankly. Okay, you said you've gotta mow the lawn, and you use a key word there. You said you've got to mow the lawn, and you don't love doing it. You sounds like you could probably pay someone to do it. Is there a part of you that likes that it's something to do and it's gonna be done your way, or what's the thought process there?

SPEAKER_01 41:16

So we did hire someone to mow the lawn once. And he did an okay job. But um I do like the physical exercise. It's like, you know, I need the exercise. And this is something to do that'll give me the exercise. So why don't I just, you know, if I gotta go to the gym and exercise for an hour, why don't I just mow the lawn for an hour? Yeah. There we go, right? So I don't like it, but it's like I'm gonna be doing some physical activity I don't like to do anyway. Might as well make a productive and I'm doing something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:53

Makes sense. Now, for the fellow gamers out there, those who enjoy playing, it could be board games or just other games. What are some of your favorites? Because I'm seeing a big wall behind you.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

Oh, well, I've got like uh Spirit Island, I really like. I've I've got a whole bunch of these solo games. So Spirit Island, uh, there's like uh legendary uh card game, uh Legendary Encounters, I guess is what it is. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

Um yeah, I I don't know. I I tend to buy a lot of new ones all the time anyway, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:30

I think it's fun because a lot of people are always looking for hey, what are new things I can do once I'm retired?

SPEAKER_01 42:36

And um but I don't need anybody here to play with me because they I can play them solo. So I just break it out and play a solo game.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

Yeah, I didn't even know that was a thing, honestly. Solo game. So um just because you'd be shocked, Darren, how many messages I get from people who say, Look, I don't really need a lot of people. Okay, in fact, I like being alone. I just want to make sure I'm stimulated. That's the key word I'm always hearing. So it sounds like those games, you review the portfolio, you you have your morning videos. Is there anything else you find you do in a day that really stimulates you, whether it's reading or you know, dog walking or whatever it may be?

SPEAKER_01 43:15

Um I do little programming things on the site. I for instance, uh to be a Google developer is a one-time cost of$25, and then you can basically throw apps onto the Google App Store and do stuff. And so I've made little apps for my phone and stuff, and I put them out there and then let them just kind of collapse on themselves and stuff. But yeah, I like created a little screensaver for my phone, and yeah, I mean, yeah, just I get wild projects.

SPEAKER_03 43:54

I'm a cool guy, Darren. I'm so grateful that you came on to share your experience. I can feel the laid back relationship. Leaf nature, and I'm so glad that you do not have to go back to work. I end the show by shutting the heck up myself and letting you share with someone who wants to retire early just some more wisdom beyond what you already shared today. So imagine I'm someone that is maybe at your old employer who's five years or so away from retirement, and you can just tell them whatever you want. It could be financial, it could be, hey, don't worry about those pings, and tell them that you're gonna negotiate time off. Whatever you want. So I'll be quiet now and give you the next few minutes to two minutes to just share to someone who wants to retire early some wisdom.

SPEAKER_01 44:36

Um basically what I'd say is it's always gonna be scary. No matter how prepared you are, how over the limit you've got as far as your savings, you're gonna be scared. And that first year of spending is going to freak you out. Okay? You'll get over it. Um, I like to compare it to swimming. Um when you learn to swim, what's the worst part of learning how to swim? Breathing. And the worst part of breathing is exhaling. Because you're afraid you're not gonna be able to get that next breath. So, but after a while, you learn how to swim, and you can just swim forever, and it's like taking a walk in the park. But yeah, that first year is gonna be miserable, you're gonna be scared, it's gonna freak you out, but you'll get over it, and everything will be okay. And I like your one last thing. Um rather than being confident in your number, be confident in how you'll be able to deal with situations. Okay, it is not that I've got enough money, it's that if things do go bad, I don't need that much money. I can adapt my spending to what it's up. I know my minimum amount I need, which is well below what I can spend, and so I'll spend less when the market's down, and I'll spend more when the market's up. Just know you're adaptable.

SPEAKER_03 46:10

I I share that all the time. Certain people will say, I want to spend 10 a month no matter what. And I'll say, I want to be six foot seven, okay? I'm five foot five. We there's certain things in life you've got to be willing to shift on. And if you're unwilling, there's an easy solution, which is work till you're a hundred years old, which you probably don't want to do. So I am with you in being adaptable, be reasonable. Darren, I interrupted your swimming analogy because I would argue the hardest part about swimming is getting in the pool, because the getting in, normally you're like, oh, it's gonna be cold. But I think your breathing one is better. So, Darren, appreciate you coming on the show, sharing your wisdom. This is why I love getting to do this is these raw, unfiltered conversations. So if you guys resonated with today's episode, please give Darren some love in the comments and share what resonated most. Darren, thank you again. Sure. If you enjoyed this episode of Retirement Reality, check out how we help people retire with confidence. You can see we have an FAQ section on our website. If you just hover over the resources tab, you can go ahead and see this FAQ section here and learn everything about what it's like to work with us, including our personalized planning process, a quick overview of how everything works, do you have enough money to become a client? Where will your money be? Everything from tax planning to fees. We are extremely transparent and want to make sure that you're working with someone that resonates with you. Hopefully you enjoyed this episode. And if you once again want to be a guest on a future show so that you can share your story, you can see that in the link of this episode. Thanks. Thank you all as always for listening to the early retirement podcast. I love getting to host these shows and make different content for you guys every single week. I've not missed a single week in years, and that is because I love getting to do this. Now, please be smart about this before you actually execute any strategy that you see me talk about or hear me talk about, should I say, please talk to your financial advisor, your tax preparer, your estate attorney. Please be smart about this. None of this should be construed as financial advice. This is for fun, educational, informational purposes only. Once again, just quick disclaimer here, guys. Please be smart about this. Appreciate you listening as always. And you can, of course, submit a question on my website, early retirementpodcast.com. If you, of course, want me to address a specific case study or topic. I will not promise I can get to it, but I respond to every single person. And if I find it will be helpful for a lot of people, I will absolutely make an episode on it. At the very least, give you some insight. That's it. Thanks, guys.